Today was one of those days. I have a one year old cutting molars and a 4 month old who is working on her first two top teeth. My two year old wants to test the limits on everything...at least ten times a day. Everyone was cranky and at one point both Rhett and Eli were standing at my feet in the kitchen screaming while Elliot cried on her play mat in the living room.
My ears were ringing, and my heart was screaming.
"Lord, I don't know if I can do this!"
I felt at the end of my rope and tears began to well up in my eyes. It's really hard for me in those moments to not have the strength deep down in me to just grin and bear it and get it done.
I came from a strong family and my daddy and grandfather are both Marines. Weakness is frowned upon, to say the least. I want to just be able to handle it. But the Lord has used my three babies to show me that sometimes I can't do it. I am not strong enough.
And that's okay.
I need Jesus. And I don't mean that lightly. I NEED JESUS. He is showing me that more and more. The energy, intentionality, and patience it takes for me to mother my children and love my husband during this season right now is supernatural. And I forget that on a daily basis.
I am continually pouring myself out, whether I want to or not. And that daily death I am dying is causing me to crawl to the Lord for the grace to do it all again the next day. And this is a good thing!
I needed to be broken. And I will again tomorrow.
Today as I looked out the window during all of the chaos (contemplating making a run for it if I'm being honest...ha) I just cried out to the Lord, "Help me." It's all I had the time to pray, as I began making lunch for the angry little people. But just knowing the Lord saw me in those moments and heard my cry, comforted my heart.
And you know what, He helped me.
"The righteous cry, and the LORD hears And delivers them out of all their troubles." (Psalm 34:17)
"In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears." (Psalm 18:6)
If the Lord is using something in your life right now that seems like too much at times, embrace it. Try not to run from the hard things and see it the way our Heavenly Father sees it, as a good thing to grow His children.
My children are one of the biggest blessings in my life, and I'm so thankful He chose such PRECIOUS things in my life to teach me these lessons. Refinement never looked so cute.