Life as of late has been very...full. I will be 35 weeks pregnant with our little girl this week, and as each day brings her arrival closer, I am filled with anticipation. Both good and serious. Knowing that I will soon (Lord willing) get to see the face of the child I've been carrying for 8 months makes me giddy with excitement. Will she have a head full of dark hair like I imagine? Will she at last be my chunky newborn, with squishy rolls of kissableness?
I cannot wait to hold her in my arms and soak in all of her uniqueness. I am also nervous to be welcoming our third child in less than three years. Come April, I will have a 2 year old, a one year old, and a newborn.
I would be lying if I said I was not overwhelmed.
I feel like I have barely had time to wrap my mind around the fact that I have two children, and now another little one will soon be here. I struggle to comprehend the logistics of how having three children under the age of 2 will even work. Eli is crawling, but cant feed himself and due to his prematurity (read more about his story here) is still more like a 8-9 month old than a one year old.
Feeding time around here is already so chaotic that Chris and I call it "crazy hour." He knows when he calls at 11 am, a crazy woman will likely answer the phone.
Questions like "How am I going to do this?" and "Am I going to end up in the looney bin?" cross my mind on a daily basis. My heart feels a swirling mixture of joy and sheer panic on a daily basis. I told Chris, "I'm not in the mood for another challenge. I feel like I'm barely passing on the last challenge." I'm not on my A-game and I feel inadequate for what's about to happen in our life.
But yesterday at church, I was really convicted by something Pastor Ken said. He was teaching on the triumphal entry of Christ into Jerusalem before His crucifixion and it was the part of the story where Jesus tells His disciples to go and get the donkey colt (Mark 11:1-8). The disciples obey and when they were questioned by those standing near the donkey, they told them what Jesus had said and they let the disciples take the donkey colt. It was a display of His sovereignty.
Pastor Ken said, "Jesus orchestrated everything. He wasn't just a victim to all that was about to happen to Him. He was sovereign over it. He had complete control over each and every detail." He then asked what about our lives? Do we trust that God is truly sovereign over the things in our lives? The big and the small?
And I was like "OH SNAP."
I think because Chris and I have chosen to trust the Lord with the size of our family that I feel a personal responsibility for our choices. Like I am the one to blame, so when it gets hard, I can't really admit it's hard or people will automatically roll their eyes and say "But you're the crazy people who breed like rabbits."
But if I am looking at my life rightly, it is God in His sovereignty who has given us each and every child. He knew I would miscarry my first baby, and in the tragedy bring our little Rhett who could not have been born without that loss. In His sovereignty He knew that Eli would be born 10 weeks early and that I would be pregnant again only 4 short months after that. If Eli had not been born early, Miss Elliot would not be about to be born. Her life would not have been possible. None of it just happened.
So I have to ask myself, "Do I really believe He is sovereign?"
Yes, I do. And because of that I know He will be with me on the hard days of adjusting to three little ones. He will help me through the sleepless nights, late-night feedings, and "crazy hours." He will give me immeasurable grace to faithfully discipline my two year old who loves to push the boundaries, to have eyes in the back of my head to keep an eye on my now TWO mobile children who seem to love electrical sockets. He will teach me how to be a mother when I still feel like a child myself.
So I encourage you today, whether you are a man or a woman, a mother to a brood of little ones or a single college student, your life is not an accident. Not only the timing of your birth, but also each and every circumstance that has come across your path--even the really hard and not so fun things. Even the things that feel so big and out of control that you aren't sure you can handle them. Even the really good things that overwhelm you in the best possible sense.
God hasn't forgotten us. Nothing "slips through the cracks." Only God can cause both wonderful and tragic things to bring good to His children (Rom. 8:28), and He causes rivers to spring forth from the desert (Is. 43:19). He's in the business of doing the impossible. And I'm on His team.
What are some things the Lord is "stretching" you with?