So I've discovered in my vast experience as a mother (four months strong!) that having a child can be very humbling.
"How so?" You may ask.
Well I've discovered that he is not a robot. He doesn't behave according to social norms. He doesn't catch on to behavioral cues.
He cries when he's hungry, even if it's in a quiet restaurant. He poops loudly in small group, and I always just hope they realize it wasn't me who made that lovely sound. He insists on commenting on everything the pastor is saying during the service with an emphatic "BLAGRRMM BRRROOO BOOO."
Nope. He has no clue what's going on around him.
And it annoys people.
I realized this when we were in IKEA one day. It took us three hours to make it through the store (I know...what were we thinking!?) and he cried THE. WHOLE. TIME.
People were staring. No,no. Glaring at me. "Would you please control your child??" Their faces shouted.
I would have done almost anything short of smashing my thumb with a hammer to make him be quiet.
But I couldn't.
Because he is a baby. And babies get grouchy and tired and their only way of communicating is to cry. So I just held him, and rocked him, and told him it's all going to be okay.
This is very hard for me, because I am a people pleaser. As in I am an addict. I find great joy from making the world happy, cushy and non-confrontational.
Well having a baby has been like being put into people-pleasing rehab. So long quiet-fade-into-the-background me. Now you can hear me coming from a mile away, because cries and coo's announce my arrival. And once I've come into view I usually scare people with my unkempt hair, spit-up covered clothes and adorable baby in my arms.
So these past few months have been beautiful, yet refining. I've basically been drop-kicked out of my comfort zone, and yet I would never want to go back.
Because I love my smiley, cute and annoying little baby. He is such a blessing and I am honored to embrace the awkward to get the privilege of holding him in my arms.
So if you hear me coming at the nearest Wal-Mart, be sure to say hi...
Or cover your ears.
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