On the day you gave birth: a letter to my big sister

Growing up, whenever I was faced with new circumstances or experiences, I never had to be totally afraid. Yes, I would still feel a little anxiety over the unknown, but I always had someone to watch who had already paved the way for me.

Whether it was getting my driver’s permit, taking the ACT’s, dating and marrying the love of my life, you had already walked down that road and not only did I get to see your example with my own eyes, I got to ask you questions when it was my turn to tread the unknown.

Until motherhood, that is.

This is honestly the first time in my life where I have been the front runner. The first one to do something. And man, it’s terrifying! I have a whole new appreciation for what you have gone through as the oldest girl. Thank you for being such a brave example to Carley and me.

So with that being said, I just wanted to share something from my mommy heart to yours.

My mind has been racing and my heart has been in anguish knowing the pain you are experiencing right now as you are literally laboring to bring your first born into this world. This fight isn’t for light weights and with every painful contraction and every cry that bursts forth from your lips, you are winning the battle. You were made for this, and no matter how many times “I can’t do this!” may come out of your mouth, you can. And I know you will do it so well.

So many women talk about their labors. It’s like war stories for women. And in some ways I totally get it. You fought hard for that story, so when anyone is pregnant it’s an automatic response to traumatize them with all of the gory details.

But after giving birth to Rhett, I was surprised by how little was mentioned about the earth shattering moment when the baby was born. No one warned me that my world would literally change the moment that naked little child was placed on my chest. Like as in a BAM your heart will never be the same.

My heart had never experienced love like that. When I saw his face for the first time. When he opened his eyes and saw me and instantly stopped crying. When we both just quietly looked at each other in wonder. My heart grew that day at such a quick pace, that it actually hurt. I loved him that much.

I tear up just thinking about the moment you meet Charlie. You will never be the same.

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful and difficult things you will ever do. I know that you have probably already heard all of the negative things that come with the title “Mommy,” so I won’t be another negative voice to your heart, but just know, with every hard moment, with every sleepless night and fussy tummy, there are a hundred more take-your-breath-away moments that make you cry and ask the Lord, “Why me? How did I get so blessed?”

You will feel the burden and great honor of what is means to mother and teach a soul. It is a high calling. It will exhaust you some days. It will thrill you to your core on others.

That little person that is coming forth from your body will be one of your greatest accomplishments. So don’t let it discourage you when well meaning people don’t see the immense value in you pouring out your life for another. With every feeding, with every diaper change and kiss to the forehead, you are changing the world.

And I am so so thankful you are now joining me on this journey as we try our best to be good stewards of the little ones God has entrusted us with.

I’m pretty sure this is going to be our best adventure yet.